I am
by Clio the Muse
Summary: Quatre came out to his family not to long ago. Trowa is an exchange student with a past and a secret he must put behind him. Will Quatre be able to heal his wounds.
1. Chapter 1

I am

_**Prologue**_

I am

I realize the risks, the bad things I will face

I realize the pain it will cause to those around me

I know they won't understand

I understand that they will be afraid, but haven't people always been afraid of what they do not understand

Clio the Muse

I came out to my family this summer. It went a lot better than I expected. My dad pretends I never told him a word, but my younger sister is all for it. Something about always wanting an older sister. Here name is Iria Violet Winner, and she plays the viola.

My mother died when I was very young, but I'm sure she's in heaven, looking down at me, shaking her head disapprovingly. Maybe. Maybe not.

Quatre Raberba Winner(Cat)

"Quatre, the exchange student will be here next week. Try not to scare him away by hitting on him or something, okay"

_I love my little sister but sometimes…._

"Only if you promise not to either"

My reward for that little gem is my little sisters resonating laugh. It can warm even the most cold hearted soul. At the very least she got her friend heero to laugh. If you knew Heero you would understand just how much effort that took. She deserves a Nobel Piece Prize for that one.

We're getting an Exchange student from Spain, Trowa Barton. 3 years of Spanish you would think I would know what de la fuente means. You thought wrong. I must admit from the pictures I've seen, he is cute. More than cute. Cute isn't a strong enough word to describe him. Those forest green eyes, reddish brown hair, light tan….

"Quatre ...hello…anybody home" Iria says rapping my head with her knuckles.

_There I go daydreaming again. I need to start being more careful, I almost started drooling that time._

"Yeah I'm here what do you want."

"Do you think you could help me with something...?"

_Something is up. She won't look me in the eye._

"What"

"Ummm"

"Come on, out with it"

_I swear if someone did anything to her_

"Well there is this boy in my class and I was wondering if you could…"

I raise my hands in the universal signal for pause.

_Is that all_

"Say no more, matters such as this should be discussed in my office"

"You mean your room, right" Iria says grinning at me.

""Room, office. They both have a desk, a computer, and view.

"Where do you get this stuff?"

Iria chuckles leading the way to my room

_Honesty... I don't know_

"Who cares, now about this boy of yours?"

I love my little sister

I love her more than anything in this world.

She is one of the few people that accepted me for who I am

Originally I had 6 really close friends

Heero, Duo, Wufei, Cathy, Hilde and Relena.

Now there are only 4

Wufei refuses to be around someone who would engage is something as unjust as the act of being homosexual. He hates women so I imagine he'll figure himself out in a few years. Cathy's parents made her stop speaking to us. She even moved schools. She used to write, but that stopped. I told them long before I told my father

They accept me for who I am.

I would do anything in my power to help any one of them.

Sadly that requires me listening to Iria talk about how cute some guy's eyes are for 3 hours straight.

Prologue 2

(In Spain)

"This will be a chance for you to start over," Father says dismissively," a fresh start."

_You are the one who wants to start over, so why don't you go to America._

"I know you don't want to, but this is for the best. What you were doing .it was unnatural. It's It's an act against god "

_He doesn't need to worry. Todo para la familia. I would never do anything to disgrace my family. I love them all too much. I will bury it deep and never think about it ever again. A year in America will help me clear my head._

" Please son….

Senor Barton continues to lecture his son.

He uprooted the entire family from their home on Ferventura, one of the Canary Islands, to Valencia. His feeble attempt at running away. The move and Trowa's absence will be more than enough for the family to forge a new life.

"Papa, no se preocupe... No lo defraudare

_I will not let you down._

"Bien. Now go get packed," Anthony Barton says slapping his son on the shoulder and giving his his best proud father smile

"Si papa," Trowa says turning to go to his room.

Translations I apologize if my spanish is wrong, It is either from my own memory or Babblefish

Senor-Mister,sir(something like that) Todo para la familia- anything for the family

No se preocupe- don't worry No lo defraudare- I won't let you down

Adios

Author Note:

Feel free to correct my spanish...

This is my first fic so please be nice. Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I have nothing against homosexuals so do not flame me about it. My mind wandered and it wandered into this so... read at your own peril If anyone has any better suggestions for Trowas last name, tell me


	2. Chapter 2

Hello every body…. I had a bit of writers blocks soo…..

Anyway thank you for the reviews, and not being to harsh about my Spanish

Anyway on with the opening poem/story

_italics mean thoughts_

**The elder sister's plight.**

I don't agree with his actions, but I want him to be happy.

Can he be happy any other way?

A clean slate

A new country

Will it work?

Or, will his caged emotions turn inward and destroy him

As they have to many, many others

Love

The only word to describe what I feel for him, but all my life I've been raised to view what he was doing as a sin

As an older sister can I deny my brother

_My baby brother_

_My only brother _

Can I deny him his happiness?

A choice no one should have to make

-------Caterina Barton

* * *

Spain 

Trowa let out a loud sigh as he packed his bags. "I'm really leaving"

The reality of what was happening had finally hit him. He had been sent to America to be straightened out….in the literal sense of the word.

_I think I'm becoming a bit of a cynic._

"Well that's enough packing for now," Trowa said tossing away a partially packed bag

He would be leaving in a few weeks. He really shouldn't put off packing anymore, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it .

As he placed it under the bed, something else caught his eye.

My photo album

So many memories. He sprawled out, lying on his stomach, as he opened the books crisp pages.

"Mother…"

The very first picture reveals a beautiful woman holding a small child with deep green eyes that are a mirror image of her own. To her left is man with light reddish brown, with a toddler on his knee. A sad smile crossed his face as he turned the page, "I can't even remember her." The next few pictures had more or less the same thing. His mother, his father, Caterina, and himself, all of them happy and smiling, as if they didn't have a care in the world. That is, until his mother stopped appearing in the pictures.

He flipped through his entire life that evening

His birthday parties, flute recitals, and moments he would have liked to forget

_I'm burning that picture…_

The next picture stopped him dead in his tracked.

This picture wasn't behind the protective covering, as if someone had just tossed it between the pages.

"Eduarte…, he sighed" The memories came flooding back to him

They had meet 2 years ago during school. Eduarte's family had moved from another city in Spain. He had forgotten the reason why. His first love and first heartbreak. They knew deep down it couldn't last, but the two of them clung to the hope that maybe they wouldn't be punished for it. Maybe, just maybe, they could be together.

_ How foolish we were._

* * *

I didn't want to tell my father, but Eduarte was dead set on telling his family. His complete and utter faith in his family to accept what ever he did seemed very naïve me. But, I couldn't deny him something so important to him. It didn't go as good s we had hoped. 

To say his family didn't take it well would be an understatement. His father wrenched us apart and threw me out of the house

_ His father is not a small man…and I don't weigh much. __ There's that cynicism rearing its ugly head again. I really have to work on that.  
_

I remember that night as if it were yesterday. His mother screaming at him.

At herself. "Only a failure as a mother would have such a son. Where have I gone wrong?"

The sounds of his fathers fists connecting with my jaw, and the fear in his golden orbs. Whether it was fear for his family or fear for his reputation, I don't know.

"Never come back, never. Do you understand" his father said raising me by shirt collar.

I never did.

A few days later Eduarto committed suicide

He slit his wrists Monday, while he was at home His family meant so much to him. He placed all of his faith in them. The fact that they didn't support him….destroyed him. His heart and soul shattered, never to be repaired.

He called our home that day. He left a message on our home phone. Mi amor, adios. That was it. His last words to me.

I hadn't told my father about anything yet. He noticed that was acting a bit strange, but he probably just assumed it was me being 17. I was going to tell him though.

_Who am I kidding, I wasn'g going to tell him unless I had no other choice.. Don't ask Don't Tell, right.  
_

He did find out though. My father found out in the worst possible way. After discovering his son's body, Eduarto's father came to my house, while his wife stayed with his other children. His father nearly broke down our door, yelling at my father. "This is all your son's fault. He is the reason my son is dead." My father of course had no idea what he was talking about. Eduarto's dad gave me a crooked smile.

" So you don't know"

"Don't know what"

"The sin your son has been committing under your very roof."

* * *

Tears slid down his face to album below. 

_I promised father that I would forget about all of this…but how can I carve out a piece of my heart and lock it away_.

"But I must. I gave my word. I am many things, but I am no liar ," Trowa said his voice cracking," I won't star being one know."

_Eduarto would tell me to be myself, but how can I be myself when that would hurt the people I love most_

"I'll just have to do it," Trowa said as he wiped the tears off his face. He rose from the bed slowly. The picture that had caused this all this, quivered in his shaking hand. His father had taken all the other pictures he had. This was the last one left.'

_My last link to the past_

He tore it to shreds

_Goodbye, my love. You understand, don't you. I'm only doing what must be done  
_

* * *

So what did you guys think about that one…. I hope it wasn't too bad. 

The rest of the GW gang should be introduced in the next chapter.

Remember R&R

Clio the Muse out


End file.
